Luminous Infinitus

Was it worth all the wait ? I thought I would read the best of du Maurier after I’ve finished all her other books. Each book I read was better than the other. Each transported me to a world where I wished to remain forever. Each story lingered somewhere in the back of the mind, some scenes coming back often, enabling me to relive the magic. So I started Rebecca , understandably with great hopes. Could it be better than ‘The king’s general’? Could it be more suspenseful than ‘My cousin Rachel’ ? Could it be as nail-biting as ‘The Scapegoat’ ? Could it be as thrilling as ‘The House on the Strand’ ? The most intriguing thing about the book was that the narrator didn't have a name ! You turn page after page expecting to find her name in the next but it never happens and even when the story ends, even as you feel that you just drank with her, her cup of sorrow, insecurity and fear , even as you just feel as though she were a part of you , the story is over and you need to close the bo...

I was through just a couple of pages into the book and I knew it would be a tragedy. Many times I tried to stop reading, fearing an ending so shattering that it could upset me terribly. But curiosity got better of the fear ; curiosity to know about David Moray , an orphan whose childhood was a complete misery and hardship, who in a moment of confusion, chose money over love, betrayed the woman he loved for another with money.. He had everything going right for him but he failed. Why? Was it because he wanted more out of life - see better places, live in grand houses, move about with the nobility, collect great artworks, have a lot of money to spend ? was he too ambitious ? was he just an opportunist? No..no..no, none of these. It was because he was too sensitive; tried to be good to everyone, he let others do his thinking for him. There is a saying in Malayalam which probably befits him – ‘Shuddhan dhustante phalam cheyyum’.

N – “look around” I looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of some good looking gal, some Indian gal? – yeah! they are a rarity for one.They are few and all are taken. One rarely gets to see a desi girl group here.It's either couples or guys-only-grps. Anyway I could see none. What’s he up to now? N – “What do you think these people are doing ?” Well ! what are they doing. I suddenly noticed that there were many people about the place. Yeah, with a theatre behind and starbucks in front of us, there had to be some crowd. Why was he asking ? Was he suggesting that Americans waste a lot of time or was he suggesting – look at the guys hanging out with babes. Why are we like this ? or was .. well ! I was confused. He was still waiting for my answer. “Well! they are doing several things. everyone is doing what he/she wants to do.” N – “What else” Me – “They are moving about. Here and there. Some standing , some sitting. Chit chatting.” N – “Tell me what they are doing in a single word”...

S mails me. I reply back. S replies. I reply. Then S doesn’t bother to mail. I stop. I wonder. What happenend ? It is like talking to someone and that someone suddenly stops taking. Makes one wonder. What did I do ? Did I say anything wrong that might’ve possibly offended S ? I go through my previous mails . Nothing . I see nothing amiss. "Oh, did I say something which could’ve contradicted what I’d said months back? May be!" Like a madman I go through all my correspondence with S. I spend days wondering why S never mailed. This is bad. Why isn’t S mailing ? why don’t I mail and ask what the problem is ? No , may be S doesn’t want to see my mail. May be S hates me. This is bad. I’ll never speak to S again. Then, a month later S mails. "whats up ? why don’t you mail? don’t tell me you are that busy." Now, I am at the wrong end ! But its fine. The fact that S is still my friend makes me happy. All losses restored. All sorrows gone !