Luminous Infinitus

Reading "The Proof of Heaven" by Dr. Eben Alexander is almost like experiencing the NDE that he went through, to really be at the hospital with him where his loved ones were holding his hand 24/7 while he was in a coma, to be with him while he went through the underground, the gateway and the core back and forth experiencing the bright light and the melodious songs and the angelic being, to be able to hear with the whole being without anyone talking, to be able to see without physical eyes, to not have a concept of time, to feel a divine presence and be overjoyed to the fullest.  I wasn't feeling well over this long weekend. Couldn't go out because I didn't want to spread the flu around. Couldn't watch TV or browse the net since eyes were hurting. Couldn't sleep because, I'd start coughing the moment I was in bed. So though of reading a book that I'd wanted to read for a couple of months. A had finished reading and told me the gist, but I wanted...

"Ankle deep, he waded through the bluebells. His spirit rose and exalted... as he breathed in the sun-drenched air. The glorious day was in its last decline. Long shadows lay on the sward... and from above the leaves dripped their shimmering drops of gold-green light. Moths and butterflies swarmed in merry hosts... flittering here, glimmering there. But, hush. Could that be a deer?" When we were searching for "Tess of d'Urbervilles" in the library memories rushed in, almost overwhelming me.  Memories of school days when I would look at a bookshelf and see different worlds, when Hercule Poirot and Dirk Pitt and Sherlock Holmes loomed larger than life, when the reality of life was less real than those in books,  when my sadness and happiness and mood changes did not depend on what happened in the life I was living but in the lives of characters that I was closely following,  when even though the only place I had been to, other than Bangalore, that too occasionally...

More than a year whizzed past without me writing anything here. When you're working for a company that does more than double the work in less than half the time that the client does it in and if the cient happens to be this uber-fast techie company that rolls out 8 million lines of code once every 2 weeks with almost 50K lines of code changing every week, time is a pricey quantity. It is a given ! But to get a chance to walk shoulder to shoulder with giants, ah ! other concerns vanish into obscurity. I have a new plan. I guess one should plan things with the view that the world goes around in 8hr cycles and force oneself to get stuff done. 8 ? Why not 12 ? 8 is too less. I always aim to finish something faster than the target and finish on target. I tell A, give me 2 hrs and I'd be done with it and it might usually take 3. I used to do this every night in the initial days. "Here you go.. we'll sleep at 12. ", "1 O clock, surely" but the offshore calls w...

A has given me the ultimatum. "It is too much. You've been fooling me for more than a year. Write now. Just 10 minutes. Whatever comes to your mind" She's been hitting the url for over a year expecting me to surprise her by writing something and I've always been saying.. I will, I will.  But more than a year of procrastination is bad I guess. At least for your loved one's patience ... It's coming, the pasting of a new rainbow butterfly in a fresh page.. in moments.  10 minutes if you want to time it.  Go, now !

I’m lying flat on my back and looking at the open sky. It is clear. There are no stars. Only a single moon. Is the queen of the night sky smiling at me ? Or at the seabird sitting at the stern. Or at her own beauty that is reflected by the sea ? Well, at least I’m happy that she’s there and she’s smiling. The seabird has been sitting there, at the pointed end of the boat, quietly, for hours now. She didn’t bring the astral blueberries this time. She couldn’t have forgotten for sure. May be she gave them to others on her way, ones who yearned for them more than I did. May be she traveled too long and couldn’t bring it this far. Had I come that far? In my quest to see new places, to uncover new truths, to discover new wonders, I’d rowed faster and faster towards exotic places in the far corners of the sea. Had I gone too far ? The astral blueberries, the melodies that resonate my soul - I’ve almost forgotten their taste. Sometimes I feel I’m chewing on to one – one of those soft fleshy ...

I was* so preoccupied with my ever growing to-do list (one of which was to write this ! and this.. was not at the top of the list. Hey, whatever happened to doing priority tasks? ) and this general feeling of “Aw ! I should’ve done this yesterday” , that I couldn’t sit in a place and gather my thoughts, my rainbow butterflies. Why haven’t I been writing? I guess I haven’t been thinking at all. May be I shouldn’t be staying a hop away from home. And even that hopping distance, may be I shouldn’t be covering in car ! Those days in which I stayed far away from home, when I used to travel by train, those dreaming-thinking-talking**-sleeping-writing-reading-thinking-dreaming travels. Oh ! I wish they were back. *was? I still am ? **talking not with self like a madman (used to do that when I was a kid though. I gather I’m more self conscious now!) but with fellow passengers. -------------- Oh my ding ding, what do I write ? What did I do last week ? Friday evening 6 PM – the beginning of a ...

Thought of finally taking a break to roll up my sleeves, blow the dust off the writing desk and sit and gather the fluttering paper rainbow butterflies and stick them to the book. They’re around, just a catch away. The touch of the rainbow butterflies, oh boy ! they almost take my breath away. I kiss each one of them and stick them to the book. They’re mine and they’re beautiful. How I miss them ! The other day A shouted from her boat. “Look, Look !” I watched. It was a bright one. Bright ones are usually flapping around the boat, within my hand’s reach at anytime. But this one was almost in the water. Ah! May be the wind carried it down. It twisted and turned. Turned and twisted. It stood there for a moment, mustering all its strength to defy gravity, hoping that the eastern wind would carry it to me. But it met its end, the frail paper and its seven colors. It touched water. Did it shiver? It floated for a brief second and faded.. into the blueness of the sea. Before it vanished,...

Relived a wonderful moment when I accidentally read one of my old scribblings. There are some places where the moment you go, you feel completely at ease ; you’d stay, transfixed with a longing in your heart to be left there forever! It could be a library, a church, a temple, top of a mountain, a beach, an island, a hut in the middle of a forest, a river bank .. it could even be someone’s house. S’s house, it’s not a house, it is a being. The moment you enter, you feel a warm, smooth embrace. There is certainly something there.. something in the way the house was built, something in the way things were arranged, something in the way lighting was set up, something that kept you suspended in a dream-like state. The flute at the shelf near the bottom of the stairs was lazily placed but you felt as though it blew music into your mind. The winding stairs that led to a small study upstairs beckoned you to go up and when you did, it wasn’t merely going up in space, you felt as though yo...

In my dream I was sleeping. A was shaking my hand. “Achaya..wake up.. wake up.. I can’t find the books.” “What books ? ” “The ones I kept in the box yesterday. The box is empty now.” “Yeah, the books walked away. You ignored them for too long. You know indifference is a punishment more severe than hatred.” (Sorry. I’m sometimes sarcastic when woken up from sleep) “He he ! stupid joke.” (clap, clap ! here is someone who doesn’t take offense.) I went with her to the inner room. She was showing me the empty box. “How could it be. I’m so certain that I took all the books sprawled under the bed and put it into this box. ” I gave a sheepish smile - “I know I know.. ” I took the box in my hand and turned it upside down. Opened it from the other end. All the books were there. “Wow !” “This is a magician’s box.” I wanted to show her the trapdoor and explain it to her. But at that moment my eyes caught ‘Histories’ - Histories by Herodotus. Suddenly, everything dissolved. There was no box. There ...

A recent trip to Mount Shasta became more memorable due to me losing my glasses. When the optician asked me if I wanted the sunlight coating, I said yes. Well ! when someone sounds as though she’s offering the best thing in the world, you’ve got no option but to have it. Moreover insurance covered it (Insurance ! The secret American Ace). Just think of having a pair of glasses that turns black when you walk outside in sunlight and turns plain inside. Great ! I ordered one and the moment I started wearing, I didn’t like them. It looked as though I was wearing sun glasses all day. But suddenly every day was a pleasant day. Be it sunny or cloudy, the day looked the same. Set me thinking.. Why do some people always see goodness ? Because they wear sunglasses in their minds. When they look into the world, they don’t see the scorching intense heat but pleasant evening. Always. Reminds me of a duMaurier short story that I’d read sometime back - ‘The Blue Lenses’. The book which contains this ...

S called. Before he started speaking, I knew what he’d say. Let’s meet up and study something. Yeah ! it’s been over a month since 2nd semester started and we hadn’t even looked into the books list. EC1 was a couple of weeks ahead. It was time. He was in Stanford meeting up with some friend. He wanted to catch up with me in the library after lunch. S - “Library le meet pannalam. Books list eduthuko. We’ll find them there and also plan for studying for this sem. ” Me – “Wokay. I have some work in the bank. Athu mudichittu, I’ll leave to library.” As planned, we met in the library but couldn’t find the books. They’d all been taken. After talking about textbooks for a while, the conversation just slipped into movies and songs. Me - “Have you heard this song ‘Ragasiyamanadu kaadal’ ? A gem of a song. I was listening to top 10 on raaga yesterday and came upon this .. Quite accidentally” S - “Haven’t heard of it. New song ? Which movie ?” “Kodambakkam” “k. Have you listened to ‘New york nag...

He was standing near the sun. There was brightness everywhere, almost blinding him. He could see the rays going away – far away to distant lands, giving light, feeding happiness. But he couldn’t stand there for long. Some strong force was pulling him away. He clenched his teeth, tightened his muscles, held his fists in a tight grip, He tried .. to hold on for longer. It broke. But he wasn’t ready to give away, not yet. He leapt, stretched his hand and grasped a light ray. In a moment he wasn’t himself. As the luminous shaft shot ahead with break neck speed, his vision became blurred, he ceased to think. When he opened his eyes, he was far away. He was still riding on the light ray. But there was no sun, no planets in the vicinity. It was mostly dark. At a distance he could see specks of light from stars, light years away. He could feel that he wasn’t traveling as fast as he was in the beginning. Was the ray weakening ? A dread swept through him. What would happen ? Would the light die ...

Some days you get up slowly .. sit or sometimes sit n sleep on the bed for sometime .. wait for thoughts to gather, slowly come into terms with the world – as though you need time to gradually transition from one world to completely different one – as though you just came out of water and you’re gasping for breath. Yet, Some other days you get up with a jerk – immediately springing into action – as though the very reason that you got up was to do that . It’s as though you’ve been awake all along but had just closed your eyes temporarily.. Today was one of those ‘some other’ days. It was a holiday but I just got up and immediately wanted to check out ‘the destruction of Sennacherib’. I wanted to read the Biblical passage which mentioned this incident. This out-of-ordinary behavior was because just yesterday I started with this book named "Familiar Poems, Annotated" by Asimov. For starters, Isaac Asimov was a master science fiction writer, the most famous in his time and the b...

Amir Aczel’s "Fermat’s Last Theorem" begins with this amazing quote by Andrew Wiles. Yes ! he is the one .. the mathematician who solved the most famous unsolvable problem in the history of Mathematics . Over a span of 3 centuries, thousands of brilliant and hardworking men and women were at it.. and in the quest had discovered so many ground-breaking theories ..even new branches of Maths! I was just dumbfounded the moment I read it - at the sheer truth behind it. Here it goes .. "Perhaps I could best describe my experience of doing mathematics in terms of entering a dark mansion. You go into the first room and it's dark, completely dark. You stumble around, bumping into the furniture. Gradually, you learn where each piece of furniture is. And finally, after six months or so, you find the light switch and turn it on. Suddenly, it's all illuminated and you can see exactly where you were. Then you enter the next room . . . " Exactly !! I think this applies ...

Though sleeping, reading and watching movies were the only major things that I did during this weekend, what I really wanted to do was to go to a beach, write something, put it into a bottle and throw it into the sea. Yeah ! Yes ! just like that ! Much as I'd like to think that someone'll pick it up and read and mail and .. Nothing..

Gosh ! I jus came to know that A’d changed from specs to lenses. When ? Now I got it ! I met him last week.. that too after a gap of a year ! he asked if I noticed any change in him. I get into this confused-i-wanna-chicken-out kind of state when someone asks me this ! I think I’d said “haha .. you look exactly the same. You don’t eat much. Do you ? I guess I too haven’t changed much.” (A might’ve been thinking – ‘bummer! I’ve gotten rid my specs and you don’t even notice the difference ! grr !!’) This’s been a problem which, for a long time I never knew ! Some friend wears a new dress or gets a new get-up and I never notice. The fact of the matter is, this hurts people…sometimes. Once I thought I’d fix it … had told myself “watch it ! from today .. I’m gonna get more interested in the ‘appearance’” The very next day I caught P coming to office. Me – “hey P, you look different ! you’ve started wearing specs, haven’t you ? Cool ! I must say you now look your true intellectual self.” ...

St.George’s festival. Theophilus thirumeni (formerly MC Cherian achen) went over St. George’s life – the same story that had been told to me many times as a kid – more so because I had this paranoic fear of snakes. I’ve had moments in which I missed stamping on a snake or a snake bite by sheer luck ! If you said there was just one in a million chance to see a snake in the city of Bangalore.. yes.. may be.. but there is that one in a million.. We had a photo of him, St.George – an old, almost faded, small but framed one, in which the brave hero stands face to face with the dragon with a spear in his hand on a white horse . He is staring into the dragon’s eyes and the open mouthed dragon is lunging towards him. The dragon isn’t afraid and he isn’t even a bit scared ! Takes me back to the times when we used to go to kerala during summer vacations. Everything seemed to happen right during that time. Mango’s came at that time. It rained at that time. And this perunal too. It was one time w...

"...bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens Brown paper packages tied up with strings, These are a few of my favorite things." - 'The Sound of Music' The first thing that I did was to watch the rest of 'The Sound of Music' The 'favourite things' song was still afresh in my mind. I'd watched it till Maria stealthily ran away to the abbey. D had said it was the best of movies ! must-watch-should-not-be-missed kind of movie. It is a musical about a wannabe nun being a governess in a Captains house (palace!) gaining the confidence of his 7 kids. It’s a classic. It’s a jolly ride, I’d say – jolly roller coaster musical flow in and out of good times. By the time I finished everyone was awake.. N, reading paper – "They’ve opened a new park near downtown. Let’s go." Me – "Yup..I anyway needed to go to the library." N – “ok. We’ll cook something, take it and eat it from there.” Me – “We’ll eat here and t...

Today’s story Jigs n reels – Joanne Harris The best thing about the stories in the book are the short notes just before the stories – words telling you the inspiration behind each story. The first story “Faith and Hope go shopping” is about 2 elderly ladies who escape from an old age home to fulfill their long-standing-utterly-wild-dreams , i.e to buy ‘Lolita’ and a pair of designer shoes. One’s bound to a wheelchair and the other is blind ! I’m in the 5th story in which a set of classmates from a magic school decide to meet after 25 years. The main protagonist arrives earlier than the rest. She sees her friends arrive one by one – everyone, the hated and the loved alike, she observed had been practicing magic – one had become famous amongst the gliterrati, another had a shop, another was consulting..and so on. She’s afraid because, she is the only one who’s been out of touch and has lost her magic. As she keeps hoping that none would question her about it, the worst thing happens – so...

Am I psychic ? Or am I becoming more psychic day by day ? Some things happen and I’m like – wow ! I knew this’d happen. I was up above in the mountain by Lake Tahoe and something triggered the memory of H. The very next day what do I see in my mailbox? A mail from H !! That too after a gap of almost 1 year. Was watching this movie named ‘The Italian Job’(a must-watch-movie - splendid cinematography & superb music to go with it). That triggered memory of P. P had been all awe of the movie and we’d discussed Charlize Theron over a year back. I just opened Cogni mail(my idea of multitasking is to check mails/start server/update clearcase view/… while watching movie/tv in the night) and there it was – a mail from P. It was around 3 to 4 months since I left Portland and I’d forgotten all about the people over there (that’s a serious problem that I have to solve. I mingle too well with people whom I interact on a day-to-day basis, almost as though they are my siblings but at the same tim...